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lessons from coaching Jan 19, 2024

Happy (belated!) New Year! I know, I’m late to the party and behind the eight ball and all the idioms that suggest I have somehow “missed the boat.”  Lucky for me I don’t subscribe to such nonsense and I believe everyone else is “simply early.”



Have you made your resolutions? Started that new exercise program? New diet? New budget?


I never make resolutions (anymore). I do NOT need to add one MORE thing to my plate to beat myself up about.

What I do now is take inventory. I examine my habits.

What habits do I have that serve me well? Then I give myself a big PAT ON THE BACK!

Eating well 80% of the time – YES! Going to bed early most days, good for me! Not buying more yarn than I need…um, yeah, that’s a no. Two out of three? 


Then I ask myself, “What habits are NOT serving me?”

We all get into habits that we KNOW don’t serve us and yet…habits are hard to break. One thing I noticed about myself is a habit of complaining.


My favorite thing to complain about used to be my job. I have (mostly) stopped complaining about it because I realized:

  1. Complaining about it changed NOTHING
  2. Complaining about it prevented me from experiencing GRATITUDE for all the good parts


Complaining is an easy habit. We complain to regulate emotions or avoid emotions. The brain gets a short term hit of dopamine from finding fault OUTSIDE ourselves. AND, when I’m complaining about people, places and things OUTSIDE myself, I am unable to  look INWARD. WIN-WIN

The brain is trained to seek out negativity so, complaining is SO MUCH EASIER than GRATITUDE.


So, for 2024, I’m taking on my habit of complaining.  Here’s a practice I’ll be using if you’d like to join me:


  1. For a day or two, simply notice. Notice the things I complain about the most. I will jot them down in a notebook. After a few days, I will circle how many times I complain about certain things. (I can’t even count the number of people who have complained to me about the weather lately. It’s winter in New England people!!)
  2. Then I will Pick ONE complaint to re-set (notice I didn’t say quit or give up – the brain thinks complaining is a form of protection, so, “giving it up” will cause the brain to want to do it more)
  3. For ONE day I DECIDE not to complain about THAT thing. When it comes up, notice, but don’t say it to anyone, don’t jot it down, just notice and let it pass.


Getting the brain OUT of a habit it loves is HARDER than training a new habit. See my previous article about brain health, learning and dendrites.


So, give yourself a break, cut yourself some slack and remember, the simple act of NOTICING is the beginning of the end of this habit for you.


Good luck! I’d love to hear how it’s going!


“Do not be heard complaining, even to yourself.” – Marcus Aurelius


Want more practices for brain health and change?

Try my online stress management course.

 For a one-time payment of $99 you get lifetime access to:

  • Research backed presentations on the Neuroscience of Stress (A $100 Value)
  • Specific daily practices for stress management and relief (A $75 Value
  • A full-length Stress and Release NeurosculptingR meditation (A $50 value)
  • Workbooks to accompany the practices (A $25 Value)
  • A bonus unit on Gratitude (A $100 Value)



 Need more guidance? Book a free call with me. We can discuss your top (3) complaints, your resolutions, or any habit that you think might be holding you back. 

Want to know more about what I do? Try my new course,

"Stress and Overwhelm: Causes, Cures and Coping."

In it you will find neuroscience, practices and my signature sense of humor. All at your fingertips in the Kajabi app.



I also offer 1:1 coaching for physical therapists and other people in health care who want to love their life, jobs and career again. If you’ve been thinking, “All I need is a new job, new career, new something and I’ll feel better”… I can help you feel better right now, right HERE. 


Click the link to book a free 45 minute stress-assessment call and get started on your unique plan. 




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