Black Leggings

What do black leggings have to do with Life Coaching? Nothing. Everything. All the things.

I have 14 pairs of black leggings. This includes full length and 7/8 length, with and without pockets. This number does not include black with stripes or polka dots or blue with black or pink with black. Just black. Plain black leggings. Why? Why do I have 14 pairs of black leggings?

Well, of course, I need more than one pair of black leggings. Day leggings. Night leggings. Yoga leggings. Leggings that cover the scar on my knee. Leggings that can be worn in public. Leggings that can’t be worn in public. Is that why I have 14 pairs? I don’t think so…

Why do we have multiples of anything? We are hoping the “thing” -leggings, shoes, even cars – will make us feel a certain way. Happy, beautiful, successful, thin, confident.  Often, we buy a thing because of how we think it will make us feel. I’m here to say, things don’t make us feel anything, only thoughts lead to feelings.

There are two secrets to curtailing the buying process: 

STEP 1: Understand the Dopamine hit

The neurotransmitter Dopamine peaks right before the purchase. Yes BEFORE. Once we complete the purchase, dopamine in the brain plummets immediately. This plummet explains why we immediately feel NOT BETTER. This dopamine hit, followed by the plummet, leads to addiction- to shopping, food, Facebook (Instagram for me) all the external things. How do we combat our addiction to dopamine? Develop the Serotonin pathways. 

Serotonin leads to long-term feelings of calm and safety. What do you love about yourself? Have you even thought about it lately? Maybe you are a great listener. Maybe you love your eyes. Maybe you are an adult child doing a great job helping out your aging parents. What do you love about yourself? The more you develop a love for yourself, from within, the more serotonin you will produce, and the better you feel. The second part of the buying: Learn to allow the urge.

STEP 2: Allow the URGE

Have an urge (desire) to buy yet another pair of black leggings? What is that about? Feeling overweight? Angry? Shame? Buying leggings (or eating or watching yet another episode of Bones) prevents you from feeling that feeling. Avoiding feelings is why we do the things that sabotage our goals. What do you do with your feelings? How can you allow them? 

“If the shoe fits buy it in every color.” – Daniel Defoe

OK, but do I really need another shoe (or pair of black leggings)? How am I feeling right now, as I’m ready to buy it? Can I allow that feeling and then see if I still want the shoe? Am I buying the shoe to avoid the feeling? If so, what will happen if I allow the feeling?

Allowing feelings is actually a skill. As a human, you’d think it’s natural. We have emotions, and feelings, we feel them. Not so much. We are masters at avoiding, ignoring, stuffing, denying, and just plain ignoring our feelings. If you want to learn to feel all the feelings and find out you will be just fine, a session with a life coach can teach you this valuable skill.

"If I can teach you anything, it is to identify the stressful thoughts that you’re believing and to question them, to get still enough so that you can hear your own answers.  Stress is the gift that alerts you to your asleepness.  Feelings like anger or sadness exist only to alert you to the fact that you’re believing your own stories." – Byron Katie