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The Sunday Blahs

lessons from coaching Jul 09, 2022

I had the blahs on Sunday. You know what I mean? Beautiful day, nothing planned, no one home…and I felt blah. Just blah…

Normally, I push the blahs away. I do this very well by beating myself up: “Hey, you have so much in your life, friends, healthy children, a chihuahua who has not peed inside the house in months. Months I tell you, months!!” Therefore, I have no right to feel blah. This chastising of myself that I do, I have found pretty USELESS.  Usually, I feel more blah after bashing myself. And then the cycle begins again. More blah. More chastising. Good grief, what a day.

What if I ALLOWED the blah? Wait, WHAT?

So, after beating myself up, trying (and failing) to meditate, and trying (and failing) to change my thoughts, I decided to be blah. I explored it. Where was it in my body? What did it feel like? Look like? Sound Like? Let’s get super cozy with blah.

Turns out blah was actually more like bewildered. My youngest graduated High School on Friday. We had a perfect night with no masks (Yes, I said it, no masks).  She had all the important people there for her: Me, her dad, her sister, and two grandmothers. Both grandmothers walked down to the football field independently (no small feat, they are both over 80). We even had an enjoyable dinner with the very blended family we now possess: My ex-husband, his wife, my boyfriend, both grandmothers, and my ex-in-laws. (What? Sorry if that hurts your brain. I really miss my ex-sister and brother-in-law.) So, why be bewildered on Sunday after this great night? This is so interesting.

My brain kept telling me I “should” be happy. She graduated, we had a nice night, and everyone had a good time and got along. She’s ready and excited for the next step: college (moving out). I was not happy. I was bewildered. My brain also doesn’t want her to leave, move away, or grow up. My brain is also confused when I’m with my ex-husband, “Aren't we supposed to hate each other?” I was both grateful my mom was able to walk that far and thinking she might not be around for the college graduation. Bewildered. Yup. Bewildered.

The best thing I did for myself on Sunday: I allowed myself to feel bewildered. I have learned it’s completely normal. Sometimes I’m happy about college and everything that lies ahead. Sometimes I’m scared, what if something happens to her? Sometimes, I’m downright angry that she’s leaving us to do her own thing. And, let’s be honest, jealous that my turn is over and it's hers now.  Totally normal. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad mom or a bad ex-wife or a bad daughter or a bad person. It means I’m human, having a 360- degree human experience. 

Emotions are funny things. We think we have control. Coaching teaches us that if we want to change the feeling, change the thought. BUT (this is a big one, hence the capital letters), before we can change the thought, we first need to identify the feeling, allow the feeling, and give the feeling some space, even if it’s blah. Especially if it’s blah. I won't speak for you, but I know for me, I tend to push away the negative feelings: Blah, bewildered, angry, frustrated. My brain says “Hey, these feel crappy AND you have no right because of all of THIS that is going well in your life.”  Guess what brain? I’m human, I have a right to ALL the feels, good and bad, happy and sad, blah and unblah (I made that up). And, if I never allow sadness, how will I recognize happiness? If I never allow blah how will I recognize when I'm no longer feeling it? The things they don’t teach in school.

So, here it is:  Allow it. Whatever it is. Allow it. No beating it up or telling yourself, “I shouldn’t” feel this way or that. THEN….go ahead, and work on changing the thought. If you like.  Or maybe not. Maybe I WANT to feel happy and scared and angry and jealous and excited about my baby leaving for college. 

Guess what? I get to DECIDE. And absolutely positively nothing at all has gone wrong here. 

Sign up for a free session with me to discuss deciding how to feel about: Your baby going to college, your EX, your job, Sunday blahs, or just feeling bewitched, bothered, and bewildered.  

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I also offer 1:1 coaching for physical therapists and other people in health care who want to love their life, jobs and career again. If you’ve been thinking, “All I need is a new job, new career, new something and I’ll feel better”… I can help you feel better right now, right HERE. 

 

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