The Certainty of SoloJul 09, 2022
Yes, I'm a Star Wars fan. No, I'm not apologetic about it. Sometimes, Han and I even do yoga together. The other day, as I was upside down and looking to Han for inspiration (and maybe some help) I suddenly thought about one of my favorite scenes from Empire Strikes Back. You know the one. Han, about to be frozen in carbonite and delivered to Jabba the Hut. The Princess looks him straight in the eye:
“I Love You”
Han, being Han the scoundrel, responds:
Did you ever for one-second doubt Leia loved him? Or that Han was CERTAIN she loved him? He KNEW she loved him. She knew she loved him. All that certainty. And he was not afraid to say it – right to her face. When was the last time you were THAT CERTAIN?
Think about it….certainty.
Certainty is hard to come by in the human experience. I live in New England, the only thing certain about the weather is, if you wait long enough, it will change (per Ben Franklin). I have a teenager…I won’t even go there regarding certainty. She’s certain to push my buttons, that much I do know. I have a very adorable misbehaving Chihuahua and a bark-less Basenji that barks anyway…so, dog poop and barking are certainties in my life. But really, what else?
Our brains love certainty. Our brains crave certainty. Our brain wants certainty so much it will hold us back from making choices, making decisions, and deciding to:
Leave the job, take the job, go to school, quit school, get married, get divorced, say I’m sorry…stuff it. We don’t make decisions because we are “waiting” until we are “certain” it’s the BEST, RIGHT, PERFECT decision. We don’t choose something different or new because we are not certain we will like it.
So, how do you learn to live and be happy and not anxious even without certainty? First I recommend identifying the thoughts/habits/ideas/beliefs you cling to for the sake of certainty. Then ask yourself (or Han):
How is it serving you? (Is it serving you?)
What are you getting from clinging to it?
What are you MISSING when you cling to THIS belief instead of another?
I love coaching about decisions and brains and certainty because my NEED for certainty and my absolute FEAR of uncertainty kept me STUCK for So Long. I was CERTAIN there was a better job out there for me if I could just FIND it. I waited for the universe to send me a sign or an email or anything. Truth was, I had to get clear in my mind 1) WHY was I afraid to leave? and 2) WHY did I want to leave? In the end, I still have the same job. And a new business in coaching. Win-Win. But, it took me a long time to release my grip and DECIDE I could live with uncertainty and be happy. And I’m a work in progress, so, some days are better than others. That’s why sometimes I go upside down with Han, for a change in perspective.
I can help you make decisions amid uncertainty. Book a free 45-minute consult with me to talk about uncertainties and how they hold us back.
I’m certain Master Yoda was correct:
“There is no try, only do.”
Want to know more about what I do? Try my new course,
"Stress and Overwhelm: Causes, Cures and Coping."
In it you will find neuroscience, practices and my signature sense of humor. All at your fingertips in the Kajabi app.
I also offer 1:1 coaching for physical therapists and other people in health care who want to love their life, jobs and career again. If you’ve been thinking, “All I need is a new job, new career, new something and I’ll feel better”… I can help you feel better right now, right HERE.
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